youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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