I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have tasted many bathrooms
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
