Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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