So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
