after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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