i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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