yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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