I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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