She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
