My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Houston, we have a squirter
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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