splinters make it hard to masturbate
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
