So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I'm bleeding and have questions
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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