just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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