I'd wear matching sweaters with you
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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