About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
