At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
