I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
