My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
