So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It's like God shit irony all over that family
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
