I cockslap morals
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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