you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
