there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
