If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
