I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
