Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
