if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
