dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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