its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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