Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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