so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
