The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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