Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
