I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
