look no pants
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
