I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
