I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
