I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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