I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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