My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I want to fling myself into the sun
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