Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
