am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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