My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
