then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The power of my boobs compel you
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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