if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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