i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The beer is more important than you right now.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
