Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Just fell off a train. Bad.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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