I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
