I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
