It's just like the Real World with babies
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
