It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
