last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
