Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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