His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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