he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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