the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
