I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
