Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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