Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
