Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My balls are so social today.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
