Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
