It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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