I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
