Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
