I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
