we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
