I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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