Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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